Alabama
Family Rights Association |
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- Where is Daddy?
- (The Importance of Fathers
in Children's lives)
There has been a growing trend in the American society that is
frightening. This can be seen in the priorities that Americans
place on holidays. There is Christmas and Easter, Thanksgiving,
Hanuka, Mother's Day, Valentine's Day and then there is Father's
Day. All of the holidays mentioned here are well advertised and
highly celebrated except for Father's Day. Oh yes, there are
commercials for Father's Day cards and sales but compared to the
other holidays, Father's Day is the least publicized. The
American society has always been a patriarchal society, based on
the Biblical standards of the family structure, yet now it is
becoming a matriarchal society. Society is placing more and more
importance on the role of mothers in children's lives while
effectively diminishing the role of fathers in children's lives.
There has been a growing trend in absenteeism of fathers in
children's lives. Not only has there been an increase in unwed
parenting, which normally results in a single mother households,
but there has also been an increase in divorce which has also in
the past led to a single mother household. "It is ironic,
and of some interest, that we have subjected joint custody to a
level and intensity of scrutiny that was never directed toward
the traditional post-divorce arrangement (sole legal and physical
custody to the mother and two weekends each month of visiting to
the father). Developmental and relationship theory should have
alerted the mental health field to the potential immediate and
long range consequences for the child of only seeing a parent
four days each month. And yet, until recently, there was no
particular challenge to this traditional post-divorce parenting
arrangement, despite growing evidence that such post-divorce
relationships were not sufficiently nurturing or stabilizing for
many children and parents." The recent trend gives the
impression that the growing attitude in this society is "Why
do we need fathers? Women can fulfill all the needs of the
children." It is only recently that fathers have begun to
fight for their rights as a parent and the effects of the
fatherless family has become evident. The reason that fathers
have become more adamant in their fights for their rights, is
because fathers did not realize they had the right to maintain
that close relationship with their children when the courts
ordered the sole custody of the children to go to the mother. The
respect for the court as the final authority is being challenged
because fathers have seen the effects that divorce is having on
their children and they love their children and desire to be a
part of their lives. When the courts took away their parental
rights, it devastated both the fathers and the children. It is
important in the development of children that fathers are
involved in their children's lives. Studies have indicated that
the absenteeism of fathers from the family has a dramatic effect
on the development of the children. There are both short term and
long term effects. "30% of the children in the present study
experienced a marked decrease in their academic performance
following parental separation, and this was evident three years
later." Children also begin a pattern of depression and
confusion at the loss of their other parent. "The results of
the present study suggest that father loss through divorce is
associated with diminished self-concepts in the children."
There are other staggering statistics on the effects of a
fatherless household has on the children. 90% of all homeless and
runaway children 85% of all children that exhibit behavioral
disorders 85% of all youths in prisons 80% of rapists with
displaced anger 75% of all adolescent drug rehabilitation 71% of
all high school dropouts 70% of juveniles in state-operated
institutions 63% of all youth suicides These statistics show that
fatherless homes are ravaging today's youth. No longer can we
have the attitude that we do not need fathers. Fathers are
vitally important in the well-being of our youth which are the
future of our society. Children need the stable balance of having
both a mother figure and a father figure in their lives.
"Children in single parent households fail to learn the role
of the other parent, and the gender traits of responsible adults
who have mastered the caring arts which are so necessary to
achieve stable, loving two parent intact families." Divorce
has led to many problems in today's youth. The system, which has
not been challenged until recently, has propitiated the notion
that fathers are not needed by the children. They have done this
through their past custody rulings. The fathers were shut out of
their children's lives except for the two weekends each month.
Children only had contact with their fathers for four days each
month except maybe some telephone calls. The courts presented the
attitude that fathers were only good for the procreation of these
children and money to support the mother and the children. Today
these views are being challenged by fathers who want to have a
deeper relationship with their children past being a check in the
mail. Fathers are protesting that they are important to the
emotional well-being of their children and being a part of their
lives is important to them. They no longer want to be restricted
to the four days a month that the courts have perpetrated on
them, but they want to be allowed to show the children that they
have not abandoned them but that they love them and care about
their future. Boys generally lack the important role model of how
to be a good father and a good man. "Among teenage and adult
populations of females, parental divorce has been associated with
lower self-esteem, precocious sexual activity, greater
delinquent-like behavior, and more difficulty establishing
gratifying, lasting adult heterosexual relationships. It is
especially intriguing to note that, in these studies, the
parental divorce typically occurred years before any difficulties
were observed." For the courts, the father has traditionally
simply been a paycheck to support the lifestyle of the mother and
the children. This shows to the children how unimportant fathers
are to them. Boys see that men are unimportant in the
relationship to the family and girls see that they do not need a
man to help raise a family. "Children raised in a single
parent household have an 80% probability of later raising their
own children in a single parent household too. Single parent
households grow like a cancer in the absence of a powerful
remedy. Welfare has proven to be no remedy, but is rather an
accelerant to this exploding problem." Also the child
support system perpetuates this fatherless household and although
it is supposed to help the economics of the family, it makes it
even worse. There are now two households being supported by two
incomes. The intact family is the best remedy to today's economic
situation because then there is one household being supported by
two incomes. The child support system ensures that both
households struggle economically and also deprives the child of
an essential aspect in their lives, their father. When a
non-custodial parent is unable to pay the amount of support that
the court has deemed proper, they criminalize that parent.
"A parent in jail, or deprived of a license, is simply
unable to provide any income or emotional support to their
children; and the children get the message that government only
wants to destroy that parent. Boys in particular get the
shattering message that they too will become destroyed when they
grow up and stupidly become fathers. Girls get the warped message
that they may freely become breeder mommies through government
sanctioned meal tickets via gouging child support which often can
never be fully collected. The net effect on our children becomes
distorted values, and a life time distrust in government, or
distrust in the opposite gender." This battery of the
children by the system creates the social problems that are
occurring in increasing numbers in today's society. As you can
see by the statistics of the fatherless family and the percentage
of suicides, substance abuse, imprisonment, homelessness and
runaways of the youth of today the fatherless family is producing
these social problems that the government is creating programs to
try to correct. However, they are trying to correct the problem
once it has started instead of stopping the problems at the
source. Allowing children to have equal access to each parent is
essential to the decrease in society's woes. As stated earlier,
single parent households perpetuate themselves, thereby
perpetuating the problems in today's society and with each
generation increases in volume. It is time for fathers to be
recognized as humans and as essential parts of their children's
emotional and social stability. Fathers must be seen as men who
love and care about their children and long to have meaningful
relationships with them. Fathers have been struggling over the
recent years to maintain that closeness to their children which
the court and society has taken from them in the past. Motherhood
has always been highly valued in societies throughout time and
now, for the sake of our future and the precious children, we
must allow fathers to hold their rightful place in society and
the lives of our children. Fathers must continue to take a stand
to be a part of their children's lives, for their welfare. Some
of these statistics would lend itself to more fathers having
custody. Because fathers love their children, they must continue
to fight to maintain a close relationship with their sons and
daughters to ensure their emotional and social stability. The
government will only change their views on the importance of
fathers in the children's lives if fathers continue to take a
stand and speak up for themselves. When fathers continue to band
themselves together to fight for the right to remain fathers to
their children and not just a child support check, then the
children and consequently our society will prosper. Fathers
cannot allow feminist and other groups that are not
family-friendly to impose their views on the rest of society and
abuse fathers through their slanderous remarks against fathers.
If fathers give up fighting because of the stress and the abuse
that they go through, it is the children and the fathers that
will suffer and then our whole society suffers. The court system
should be a family friendly system, not simply a mother-friendly
system. This is why we have to continue to stand up and say, in a
loud voice, "FATHERS MATTER!" Write senators and
congress to show them the statistics of the importance that
fathers have in their children's lives. Let your voices be heard!
They are our children too!
Written by: Rev. Dennis Austin
- Special thanks to: U.S. D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census
Center for Disease Control Criminal Justice and Behavior,
Vol 14, p. 403-26, 1978
- National Principals Association Report on the State of
High Schools Rainbows for all God's Children
- U.S. Dept. of Justice, Special Report, September 1998
Fulton Co. Georgia jail populations
- Texas Dept. of Corrections
- Bob Burke CPSA/CRC-NH Children's Self Concepts: Are They
Affected by Parental Divorce and Remarriage
- Thomas S. Parish, Journal of Social behavior and
Personality, 1987, V 2, #4, 559-562
- Long-Term Effects of Divorce on Children: A Developmental
Vulnerability Model Neil Kalter, Ph.D., University of
Michigan, American Journal of Orthopsychiaty, 57(4),
October, 1987
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accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. section 107, this material is distributed without profit
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non-profit research and educational purposes only.
- This Website is sponsored by the Alabama Family
Rights Association (AFRA).
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